my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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