Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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