yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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