oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
