For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
