During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
