So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Randomize
