My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
People in love make me want to vomit
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
