I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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