my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
