I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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