he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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