Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize