Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
