No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Randomize
