I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
