Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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