dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize