I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
