I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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