I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
