i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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