why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
