New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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