bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize