Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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