I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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