So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
