you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
