A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
