Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
