I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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