Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
