the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
