so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
is wine microwaveable?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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