he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
