Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
