I bet he comes in French.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize