Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
