She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
