My hand turned me down
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
In America we eat man semen.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
