"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
