Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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