The maid of honor just puked.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
