I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
