is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just blew my weed a kiss
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
