god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
