i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
