I wish i was in the wii world.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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