yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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