i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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