Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
