my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
