i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
