We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize