good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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