How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
