i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
