I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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