is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I woke up under a house in Key West
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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