Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
