mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
