when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
