btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
