$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
