HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize