Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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