Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
