Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
