remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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