She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
