Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
