Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
