She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
