Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
