My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
