hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
