the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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