I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
