don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
