have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
