did you get engaged???
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
