smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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