I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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