I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
