you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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