Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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