Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
