2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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