Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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