Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
