Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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