I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Be still, my beating vagina.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize