I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
