I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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