I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
