i don't plan on having that self control this summer
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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