Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
