it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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