I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize