She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize