doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
