I want to have your abortion
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
