Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
